Decolonizing Therapy and Healing
Written by: Latania Franklin, LCSW
Introduction
When we talk about healing, we often discuss it as a destination that we want to get to. “When I heal I am going to” or “I am not going to engage in any relationship until I am healed.” My first thought and words are often centered around compassion for the person because right after, I have to break it to them that healing is not a destination but a journey.
There is no one size fits all or steps for the ACTUAL healing journey I can give you. If it was, friend, I would have passed that out years ago. However, with my own personal experience as well as my experience with supporting my clients, I have learned that there are some similarities between journeys. I also know there are some things to reflect on prior to starting the journey.
In this space, I will talk about those similar experiences and what to reflect on before and during the journey. I am adding in some information about change as I think this will also be helpful as well as some much needed “heads up” information that I wish I would have gotten when I decided to be on the journey.
Alright, let's jump into this conversation.
Before and During the Journey
As stated above there are no steps for the actual healing journey but there are some reflection questions to ask yourself prior to starting your journey. These same questions can also be asked at different times throughout your journey. You can check them out below:
Why am I choosing to be on a healing journey?
How do I want my life to look and feel as the result of my healing journey?
Who can and will be a part of my support system while on this journey?
What are some ways I have already experienced healing?
“”What’s the point in these questions?” friend, I'll tell you. Understanding the “why” behind your journey is important. Your why can be used as motivation when your journey gets difficult because, heads up, it is going to get DIFFICULT! Defining how you want your life to look and feel is key in making sure you are on the right track and making sure it feels good to you. To me, healing equals freedom; freedom from past pain and family and society expectations of who you SHOULD be. When I started my journey in 2015, I remember telling my therapist that I wanted to heal for my future child and husband. I wanted to make sure I showed up as my best self for them. As years went by, I added myself to that why. I wanted to feel good and I wanted to feel peace and joy. My why was about them as much as it was me.
Due to the journey being difficult at times, you need to have a support system. Your support system can congratulate you when you notice changed behavior and they can be a shoulder to cry on when you are overwhelmed with emotions. Friend, answering the last question can help you know that this journey is doable and one that you are already on.
The Journey??
So here is where it gets tricky because naturally, after you answer the reflection questions you may say “okay I am ready. But where do I start?”. There is no perfect place to start, but I would recommend looking at current pain points in your life and being honest about what needs to change. Your reflection #2 questions could help you with this. If you have defined how you want your life to look and feel, then anything in your life right now that does not match that, needs to change.
The Process of Change
In order to change, I believe…
We need to be aware of what we want to change
We need to understand the reason or the source of the thing we want to change
We need to figure out how we actually want that change to be or look
We need to then make the necessary changes
In my sessions with clients, our conversations are centered around their current pain points and how they would like life to be. We go deep into the past to understand why the behavior or action is even present in the first place. My question to my clients is “what is your earliest memory of this?” Heads up, to find the source you have to go DEEP! We need to understand where this behavior came from (the source) and how it is serving you (how it is taking care of you). That source that we discover IS THE THING THAT NEEDS TO BE HEALED. It needs to be talked about, cried out, or somatically released from you.
No matter how many things you want to change in your life, you have to tackle them one at a time. I will say that sometimes the thing you want to change will overlap with other changes but still, TAKE YOUR TIME. I believe you will naturally move through each thing you want to change.
The Source
That source is what makes healing a journey and not a destination. It took you 20+ years for your life to be this way so it is going to take some time for you to heal. I should also mention that the source is most likely a trauma you experienced where your body needed to make sure you were protected if this trauma happened in the future. To make sure we are protected our body creates behaviors or thoughts to “protect you.” Protect you in quotes because while the behavior may have protected you in the past, it may be the reason why your life is not feeling or looking the way you want it to currently.
For my black people, I want you to keep in mind that we are not only carrying traumas from our own past, but also the past of those who came before us. Traumas can get passed from generation to generation so how you may be living may not even be a product of your lived experiences. It can come from our ancestors, our mothers, our fathers, and others in our family. To help with this understanding, this means our people are still being impacted by the horrific conditions of slavery. Trauma that is passed down through generations is called intergenerational trauma.
The Similarities
Earlier I promised to give you some heads up about the journey. This is the biggest heads up in this blog! Below, you will find some common situations and/or experiences that you may experience while on the journey. This is simply a list to be aware of as I am not going into details with each one.
Return to your authentic self
Grief: loss of old self and/or relationships (can be romantic, friends, or family)
Attraction to new relationships and people you want in your life
Break generational traumas
Greater awareness of self and others
Release of intense emotions and body sensations
Increase peace and Joy
Increased ability to take care of self
Increased ability to regulate and accept emotions
Conclusion
Healing is not something we arrive at and complete. Due to being human and continuously living life, healing will continue to happen and grow along with you. So be kind to yourself, work on one thing at a time, make changes to your reflection questions as needed, and congratulate yourself along the way. Healing is not an easy journey but a journey that will impact not only your life but generations after you.
Take care and happy healing!
Listen to the corresponding podcast episode here.
Learn more about how to decolonize healing and therapy by checking out our Decolonizing Therapy 101 series here that we featured on our Instagram from 2022 through 2023.